Confessions of a Mask

Summary: Yukio Mishima’s Confessions of a Mask is the story of a young man who is forced to mask himself to hide his sexual identity in order to be socially accepted.

Register: “Masking” is a common term we hear today in the homosexual community and is not a very new concept. When a person is “masked” they portray themselves as something they are not in order to be accepted within their community. This is usually a common practice used by homosexuals who may live in a less-accepting area and wish to get by without being discriminated against. A mask acts as a guard or a shield that protects a secret. In this story Kochan uses this mask in order to be accepted within his family and among his peers by hiding his true feelings and sexual orientations behind his mask which leads him to a life of solitude and loneliness.

I chose to focus more on the beginning of the book when Kochan recollects his childhood memories, specifically his “Tenkatsu” memory. I believe there are significant meanings scripted within this memory that may be more telling than what meets the eye. I think the author uses his memories as a tool to display his true feelings about what it was like to be homosexual and how it felt when he first realized he must “mask” those feelings.   In the beginning he describes memories of his childhood and distinctly remembers dressing up as Tenkatsu using his mother’s kimono and makeup. Kochan ran around the room free as can be shouting “I’m Tenkatsu! I’m Tenkatsu! (18), feeling more like himself than he ever had before. He remembers,

“But not a single person was visible to my eyes. My frenzy was focused upon the consciousness that, through my impersonation, Tenkatsu was being revealed to many eyes. In short, I could see nothing but myself” (18).

This exert is very telling and I believe symbolizes his struggle with the revelation of his identity and the acceptance he received from others. He seemed so free and joyful running around the room dress as this woman, feeling more like himself than ever. “Not a single person was visible to my eyes” meaning no one else mattered at that point in time because he was free. He said “Tenkatsu was being revealed” but in a way I think he was revealing homosexual self to his family. The part in this quote, “I could see nothing but myself” tells me he felt more like himself when dressed as this woman and felt free – all at the age of four years old.

His mothers reaction imprinted in him so profoundly and changed his life forever. “She turned slightly pale and was simply sitting there as though absent-minded. Our glares met; she lowered her eyes” (18). This was a clear sign to him that who he identified as was not accepted, even by the one person who is supposed to love you unconditionally, and determined therefore he must hide his true feelings under his mask. Although the outward appearance of his mask is a lie under it is where he can be himself. He says,

“what people regarded as a pose on my part was actually an expression of my need to assert my true nature and that is precisely what people regarded as my true self  which was a masquerade” (27).

This pose is yearning to be who he really is because otherwise he is walking around as something he is not, someone who everyone else accepts but he does not.